Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Searching for connections

Preeclampsia is a horrible disease. No question about that. Anyone who's ever experienced it, especially in its severe form, wouldn't wish it on any other woman, EVER.

So why, then, does it seem like lately I'm looking for pre-e everywhere I go, almost.......dare I say it........*hoping* to find out that someone's experienced it? But as I do so, I'm also pondering, "Why?", and here's what I've come up with:

Often, I think we pre-e survivors feel alone, like there can't possibly be anyone out there who understands what we've been through, what we've lost to this disease. So, when I hear of a woman who has had...........
........a preemie
........a stillbirth
........ unnamed "pregnancy complications"
I immediately wonder, and then ask, whether it was preeclampsia that caused it. It's like I'm some kind of pathetic preeclampsia detective or something, constantly searching it out and following leads wherever I find them. Last week, a friend from church sent out a group email about her niece who'd just lost a baby at about 20 weeks. Didn't say if it was known why the baby passed on, but I wrote to her to ask if it was pre-e, and then to offer my support (and that of my website) if so. At school today, the "keep in your prayers" board had listed the wife of a teacher, who's baby was born more than a week ago, and it says "complications after pregnancy". So of course, I had to snoop around and ask other teachers who might know the story. Was she seizing? Swelling? BP trouble? Turns out, she had a staph infection after a csection.......and I felt (horrible, I know) vaguely disappointed in some weird way.

I guess that I'm searching for connections with other women who know how preeclampsia feels, as opposed to most people who don't even know what the word means. I've met women around the world via the Web, and we all have suffered the loss of the idyllic pregnancy we've grown up expecting. When we meet other survivors, we don't feel so alone anymore. And since a true cure or preventative for pre-e hasn't been found YET, new members are added to our survivor ranks every single day. I'll just keep on looking for them, looking to connect with my sisters, so that they don't ever have to feel alone either.


Anonymous said...

it's funny, you really described how I have often felt. And I always hate how people don't understand. I just told my husbands's aunt about how my mom (an OBGYN NP) and sister drove 20 hours while I was in labor because my mom thought I was going to die. Aunt says "you weren't going to die,ha ha". I said, "I was very very sick" and she just smiled. I didn't go into it with her because honestly it wasn't worth my effort. And my father is dying and we had just buried my husband's cousin, but really, how does she know??

I always feel like people think I am exaggerating about how sick I really was. And when our son was born, there really wasn't time to wait, he had to get out before both of us got too sick, but people didn't understand that. enough of my ramblings, know there are plenty of us sisters out there. We're just hard to find!


Jennifer said...

I found your blog through a search of preeclampsia. I was just "diagnosed" last week and put on bed rest. As of right now my doctor says all is well and the biophysical profile on the baby was great....any info you can share or other sites to visit would be a great help for me. Thanks!!

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say I found your blog through a yahoo search of preeclampsia survivors. I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia at 29 weeks gestation. I had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks then my son was born via c section at 31 weeks weighign 2 lbs 15.6 ounces. He is now a healthy 9 month old. But you are right no one understands what it is like to not have a normal pregnancy.