not everyone feels like we do

If you're a preeclampsia survivor, you likely have hyper-sensitive hearing now when it comes to that word..........preeclampsia. If you hear it, ears perk up and you instinctively react and start listening. You want to know what's being said, whether it's on the news, in a movie or TV show, or in a live conversation that you overhear......which is what happened to me this week.

I was at my son's school, volunteering for a luncheon being given for teachers (Teacher Appreciation Week). We're relatively new at the school, and I don't yet know a lot of the other parents who are active in PTA, etc. We had some down time after we got it set up and were just waiting for teachers to come by and fill their plates. A couple of the other moms were chatting and they apparently already knew each other, so I was just standing nearby and half-way listening to the conversation since it didn't include me. Until I heard that word. She said something like "and then she's going to the doctor twice a week because of the preeclampsia".

I'm truly a pretty shy person, if you meet me in real life. Not very good at meeting and talking to people I don't know; I almost have to force myself to break out and be social, etc because it's not very comfortable to do so. And I wasn't a part of this conversation at all......but after she said this, and I was standing right beside her, she paused a minute and nothing was said. So the power of that word drew me in, and I said "ooh, you said the magic word to me, preeclampsia, because I had that with both of my babies".

Pause.

Wait for her to say something like "oh, really? What was the situation? Were they preemies?" etc etc etc etc.

Nope, nothing. Just an awkward pause, then she resumes her conversation with the other lady, almost as if I'd not even spoken. The other lady says "when's she due again?" and the first lady says "the 19th". So this tells me that she's about 38 weeks, which is a good thing of course, and quite different from my situations. But something about the way they were discussing this gave me the impression that they didn't think that the PE was all that serious or a very big deal. They immediately went off into giggling over an "argument" about on which day the baby would actually arrive.

I was just mildly irritated at the time, but now that I've had time to think it over, I feel more sad than mad. The words "kindred spirit" come to mind, because as weird as it may sound, that's how I almost instantly feel when I run across another PE survivor, or even hear someone talking about one. The connection of a shared experience, shared understanding of something that a big majority of the world doesn't even know exists. And yet when I reached out to this woman, shared something of myself, it was basically ignored and treated as if it was no big deal instead of as an instant connection and bond.

I just thought that everyone who'd been touched by PE would feel like I do, but apparently not. The community of people who understand is small enough already; it's sad to think that even among the PE survivors and their families, some don't seem to have been touched in quite the same way. Kind of a lonely feeling.

A flashback moment

Let me set the scene for you......my micropreemie (700 grams), now age 4 and feisty, was in his carseat eating fast-food "hash rounds" for breakfast. Healthy, huh? ;) I was in the front seat, but turned around to look at him and talk to him......yes, the car was parked, LOL! In his other hand, he's clutching the latest in a string of stuffed animals he's become attached to......a gray cat Beanie Baby with a red ribbon on its neck.

I gave this to him last night, mainly because he's lost/misplaced most of the other "snuggly friends" as he calls them. So I pulled this one down from a shelf in his room, and told him about it: This is the very first stuffed animal you ever had! You had this with you when you were a "baby in the hospital" which is what I call the NICU time when talking to them. He instantly loved it, snuggled up and went to sleep. This morning, he asked to take it to school to use for naptime, so I agreed.

Anyway, fast forward past the car trouble and other drama of our morning......to the parking lot of the fast food place. He's holding "my kitty" and saying that he loves it, etc, and then something caught my eye.......on the kitty's tail are two small pieces of white adhesive medical tape. Well, it used to be white, anyway. You know, the kind that they use to make sure IVs or bandages stay attached.

When the Beanie Baby was given to him, it was the same size he was! We took it with us to our hotel room at night to sleep with it, as the nurses instructed. That way, it would get our scent onto it, and then it could be inside the isolette with him....for comfort, reassurance, etc even when we couldn't actually be there. Once he came home, I basically put the Beanie away so that it could stay "safe" since it was an extra-special one to us. It hasn't really been played with at all......and now, I'm shocked right back to 2004 when I see those pieces of tape on there. I reached out to pull them off, and then thought "no, those pieces represent something, and I'm gonna let them stay on".

Funny, though, how something as tiny as that can transport you through time, and bring back memories that are so fresh it's as if they just happened. Oh, and we're going to the NICU reunion this Saturday too, so that's another chance to bring it all back......but also a chance to show off my big boys and how wonderfully they're doing today. :)