Here I sit today, pondering, thinking over a subject I've been discussing with a dear friend. As usual, the topic is preeclampsia, but more specifically the recurrence of it in women like me.........who have it twice, three times, or even more.
Seems like every day there are press releases about new research studies, findings that give new hope for the eventual prevention of (and cure for) preeclampsia. I read a lot of these articles, and it's exciting to know that researchers are making headway in discovering why women get pre-e and what might be done to stop it someday.
Even now, more and more women are finding that their subsequent pregnancies can be healthy and pre-e free, through drug therapies or other evolving treatments. This is wonderful news, and something for which we should all be rejoicing!
However, there are still women like me around........women who had preeclampsia more than once, with no identifiable cause and therefore NO preventative options. Thankfully, my two sons survived, and I know how lucky I am to be able to say that. My husband and I have decided against risking the odds again and trying for more children, so I'll never know if a pre-e free pregnancy is even possible.
Today, I have many friends all over the world who are preeclampsia survivors. Several of them have recently given birth to new babies, at the end of a long, healthy pregnancy. Others are currently pregnant, and understandably worried about a pre-e recurrence but have kept it at bay so far. And naturally, I wish them all the best, and celebrate with them when full term healthy babies arrive.
But I'm left with mixed feelings..........the tremendous excitement for my friends who overcame pre-e, and the lingering hurt, disappointment and loss I feel for myself and for women like me everywhere. In my efforts to promote preeclampsia awareness, I often hear from women who've suffered from pre-e once and are scared to try again. It's wonderful to be able to say "Many women go on to healthy pregnancies" and to try to provide hope and encouragement to them on this scary journey.
But I also sometimes want to say, "Don't forget about me! I tried my hardest, I did everything I knew how, and my body still failed in its pregnancy responsibilities. But it's not my fault!" I usually just stay quiet, though, and cherish what I do have. Maybe someday no woman will ever have to feel this way at all....and that keeps me going. That, and my two precious boys who are my preeclampsia miracles.