Saturday, February 10, 2007


My best friend in the world is 12 weeks pregnant. I'm thrilled for her as they tried to get pregnant for 27 months before it finally happened for them. Aside from being thrilled I almost feel sick about it. I *know* that she will be fine, but then again, why wasn't I? I have no underlying conditions...What about my body caused me to develop preeclampsia in not one, but two pregnancies?? I don't think I will EVER feel complete happiness hearing that someone is pregnant. I know all too well what can happen. Although I don't know anyone in real life that has had preeclampsia I know so many women in our online forum that have suffered from it and I know just how bad it can be. I worry about my sister. She has chronic high blood pressure. They are going to start trying to conceive later this year or early next year. I know that I will feel nothing but worry for her until that baby is safely here. Growing up I knew that if I had children that I wanted three of them. I have my two boys and I am so thankful for being blessed with them, but I feel like a part of me is missing...I feel like there should be one more child running around here with my boys. I've talked to my husband about adoption and he's not keen on the idea. I would adopt in a heartbeat. I know that I could love an adopted child just as much as my boys. I don't think he's going to budge on the idea either. He is fine with us having one more baby, but I am so afraid. What if I lose a baby this time or what if my boys lose ME? There are just too many "what ifs" that outweigh the end result for me right now. Then I think how Dalton will turn three this year and Hunter will be six and we have those hard "baby" years over. I'll have a little more time to myself without having to chase after a baby or a toddler all day. Maybe it's best this way. I wonder if all women still feel a desire for a baby even after they know they are done having children. Darn preeclampsia!!! It shouldn't be this hard...It's so unfair. A woman should be able to have a baby without having to worry about something like this. If nothing else, I'm at least armed with a wealth of information about preeclampsia and I can be there to help watch for problems in my friend and my sister. I just pray that they never have to deal with this.


Bankerchick said...

I followed other links and found you unexpectedly. Now my pre-enclampsia was 34 years ago Feb 4th. Back in 1972, I had never heard of Toxemia or pre-enclampsia. But about a month before I delivered (3 weeks early). I started swelling and the next Dr visit I started being lectured on gaining too much weight and given some sort of medicine (I forget now) and given bed rest. When, my water broke, we went to the Hospital and as my husband tells it: They told him that they thought they could save the baby. All throughout that day and after, my husband was led to believe that it was somehow, my fault that I gained too much weight, didn't eat right(for a month I wasn't eating at all)etc. The whole episode still gets me going. however, I have a lovely, smart daughter. and a second,fantastic daughter 4 years later. It took a lot of convincing for me not to have an only child. I did not want to get pregnant again, and when I did, I was fine. I wish there had been the internet and knowledge 34 years ago, to help me thru one of the most difficult times of my life. I am glad you are here for others now!

Mindy said...

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well in this case your only choice is support her and give her all your love, I had a friend that got pregnant to her 15 years old, I had to help her with supplies.