To give credit where credit is due, the following essay is borrowed from a great cyber-friend and sister. Reading this really touched me and made me think of those of us who've been touched by preeclampsia/HELLP and the long-term effects it can have on our lives and our children.
____________________________________________________
To You, My Sisters
by Maureen K. Higgins -
Many of you I have never even met face to face, but
I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you
on the Internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores.
I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well
worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be.
Your words ring experience, experience you culled with
your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond
the expectations of this world. You are my "sisters."
Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority.
A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any
other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of
us were invited to join immediately, some not for
months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse
membership, but to no avail.
We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICUs,
in obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during
ultrasounds. We were initiated with somber
telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood
tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.
All of us have one thing in common. One day things
were fine. We were pregnant, or we had just given
birth, or we were nursing our newborn, or we were
playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything
was fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as
it often does, or over the course of a few weeks or
months, our entire lives changed. Something wasn't
quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of
children with special needs.
We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity
of our children's special needs. Some of our children
undergo chemotherapy. Some need respirators and
ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some are unable
to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in
a different world. We do not discriminate against
those mothers whose children's needs are not as
"special" as our child's. We have mutual respect and
empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.
We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with
whatever materials we could find. We know "the"
specialists in the field. We know "the" neurologists,
"the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments.
We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know
"the" degenerative and progressive diseases and we
hold our breath while our children are tested for
them. Without formal education, we could become board
certified in neurology, endocrinology, and psychology.
We have taken on our insurance companies and school
boards to get what our children need to survive, and
to flourish. We have prevailed upon the State to
include augmentative communication devices in special
education classes and mainstream schools for our
children with cerebral palsy. We have labored to prove
to insurance companies the medical necessity of gait
trainers and other adaptive equipment for our children
with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities
to have our children properly classified so they could
receive education and evaluation commensurate with
their diagnosis. We have learned to deal with the rest
of the world, even if that means walking away from it.
We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during
"tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was
advocated by the person behind us on line. We have
tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from
well-meaning strangers. We have tolerated mothers of
children without special needs complaining about
chicken pox and ear infections. We have learned that
many of our closest friends can't understand what it's
like to be in our sorority, and don't even want to
try.
We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl
Kingsley's "A Trip To Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The
Special Mother". We keep them by our bedside and read
and reread them during our toughest hours. We have
coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our
physically handicapped children to the neighbors'
front doors on Halloween, and we have found ways to
help our deaf children form the words, "trick or
treat." We have accepted that our children with
sensory dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on
Christmas. We have painted a canvas of lights and a
blazing Yule log with our words for our blind
children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We
have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And
all the while, we have tried to create a festive
atmosphere for the rest of our family. We've gotten up
every morning since our journey began wondering how
we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed
every evening not sure how we did it.
We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and
sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our
trip to Holland has required much more baggage than we
ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent.
And we've mourned because we left for the airport
without most of the things we needed for the trip.
But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never
stop believing. Our love for our special children and
our belief in all that they will achieve in life knows
no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns and
extra points and home runs.
We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We
dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses
and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices
singing Christmas carols. We see their palettes
smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying
over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at
the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop
believing in all they will accomplish as they pass
through this world.
But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important
thing we do, is hold tight to their little hands as
together, we special mothers and our special children,
reach for the stars.
______________________________________
Bless you, my sisters, and a special Happy Thanksgiving to you and to your very special miracles. Keep on holding tightly to their hands..........
Monday, November 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Post Traumatic Stress
About a month ago, I found out that the wife of one of my coworkers had developed severe preeclampsia 34 weeks along into her fourth pregnancy. She had never had preeclampsia before, but there it was...the nasty, horrifying preeclampsia monster attacking again. I made a mental note to pray for his wife, and hope for the best.
Well, nearly four weeks have passed since then, and today, I saw my coworker. His wife popped into my thoughts immediately.
"Hey! How is your wife? And, how is baby?" I said unsure if his wife was still pregnant.
As he turned his face toward me, I saw it...the post-preeclampsia stress, the realization of how close "this close" actually came and landed on his wife and child. For the next half an hour, he walked us through the events leading up to severe preeclampsia. Unfortunately, his wife suffered from severe pulmonary edema and subsequently developed congestive heart failure. He rushed her to the ER after her obstetrician blew off three times of reporting she felt she couldn't breathe. In fact, breathing had become an effort just standing still, and the OB never bothered to listen to her breath sounds. The ER physicians took her seriously and eventually treated her with Lasix to relieve the severe edema.
While my coworker's wife's story was scary and horrifying, what was such a big reveal for me is that as he recounted her story, post-traumatic stress took over within me. I kept a relatively calm appearance, but I had an overwhelming urge to go crawl in a dark spot somewhere and curl up in a ball. I wanted to yell, shout, scream, and cry at my outrage toward the Preeclampsia Beast and all that it does to unsuspecting women and their families.
I'm confident that I had an anxiety attack, but I worked through it with some relaxation music...yay for iTunes and some slow breathing. I guess this entry is just me letting some more of it out so I can keep on going. I march one day at a time now to stay ahead of my survivor issues...for now.
Well, nearly four weeks have passed since then, and today, I saw my coworker. His wife popped into my thoughts immediately.
"Hey! How is your wife? And, how is baby?" I said unsure if his wife was still pregnant.
As he turned his face toward me, I saw it...the post-preeclampsia stress, the realization of how close "this close" actually came and landed on his wife and child. For the next half an hour, he walked us through the events leading up to severe preeclampsia. Unfortunately, his wife suffered from severe pulmonary edema and subsequently developed congestive heart failure. He rushed her to the ER after her obstetrician blew off three times of reporting she felt she couldn't breathe. In fact, breathing had become an effort just standing still, and the OB never bothered to listen to her breath sounds. The ER physicians took her seriously and eventually treated her with Lasix to relieve the severe edema.
While my coworker's wife's story was scary and horrifying, what was such a big reveal for me is that as he recounted her story, post-traumatic stress took over within me. I kept a relatively calm appearance, but I had an overwhelming urge to go crawl in a dark spot somewhere and curl up in a ball. I wanted to yell, shout, scream, and cry at my outrage toward the Preeclampsia Beast and all that it does to unsuspecting women and their families.
I'm confident that I had an anxiety attack, but I worked through it with some relaxation music...yay for iTunes and some slow breathing. I guess this entry is just me letting some more of it out so I can keep on going. I march one day at a time now to stay ahead of my survivor issues...for now.
Friday, May 09, 2008
not everyone feels like we do
If you're a preeclampsia survivor, you likely have hyper-sensitive hearing now when it comes to that word..........preeclampsia. If you hear it, ears perk up and you instinctively react and start listening. You want to know what's being said, whether it's on the news, in a movie or TV show, or in a live conversation that you overhear......which is what happened to me this week.
I was at my son's school, volunteering for a luncheon being given for teachers (Teacher Appreciation Week). We're relatively new at the school, and I don't yet know a lot of the other parents who are active in PTA, etc. We had some down time after we got it set up and were just waiting for teachers to come by and fill their plates. A couple of the other moms were chatting and they apparently already knew each other, so I was just standing nearby and half-way listening to the conversation since it didn't include me. Until I heard that word. She said something like "and then she's going to the doctor twice a week because of the preeclampsia".
I'm truly a pretty shy person, if you meet me in real life. Not very good at meeting and talking to people I don't know; I almost have to force myself to break out and be social, etc because it's not very comfortable to do so. And I wasn't a part of this conversation at all......but after she said this, and I was standing right beside her, she paused a minute and nothing was said. So the power of that word drew me in, and I said "ooh, you said the magic word to me, preeclampsia, because I had that with both of my babies".
Pause.
Wait for her to say something like "oh, really? What was the situation? Were they preemies?" etc etc etc etc.
Nope, nothing. Just an awkward pause, then she resumes her conversation with the other lady, almost as if I'd not even spoken. The other lady says "when's she due again?" and the first lady says "the 19th". So this tells me that she's about 38 weeks, which is a good thing of course, and quite different from my situations. But something about the way they were discussing this gave me the impression that they didn't think that the PE was all that serious or a very big deal. They immediately went off into giggling over an "argument" about on which day the baby would actually arrive.
I was just mildly irritated at the time, but now that I've had time to think it over, I feel more sad than mad. The words "kindred spirit" come to mind, because as weird as it may sound, that's how I almost instantly feel when I run across another PE survivor, or even hear someone talking about one. The connection of a shared experience, shared understanding of something that a big majority of the world doesn't even know exists. And yet when I reached out to this woman, shared something of myself, it was basically ignored and treated as if it was no big deal instead of as an instant connection and bond.
I just thought that everyone who'd been touched by PE would feel like I do, but apparently not. The community of people who understand is small enough already; it's sad to think that even among the PE survivors and their families, some don't seem to have been touched in quite the same way. Kind of a lonely feeling.
I was at my son's school, volunteering for a luncheon being given for teachers (Teacher Appreciation Week). We're relatively new at the school, and I don't yet know a lot of the other parents who are active in PTA, etc. We had some down time after we got it set up and were just waiting for teachers to come by and fill their plates. A couple of the other moms were chatting and they apparently already knew each other, so I was just standing nearby and half-way listening to the conversation since it didn't include me. Until I heard that word. She said something like "and then she's going to the doctor twice a week because of the preeclampsia".
I'm truly a pretty shy person, if you meet me in real life. Not very good at meeting and talking to people I don't know; I almost have to force myself to break out and be social, etc because it's not very comfortable to do so. And I wasn't a part of this conversation at all......but after she said this, and I was standing right beside her, she paused a minute and nothing was said. So the power of that word drew me in, and I said "ooh, you said the magic word to me, preeclampsia, because I had that with both of my babies".
Pause.
Wait for her to say something like "oh, really? What was the situation? Were they preemies?" etc etc etc etc.
Nope, nothing. Just an awkward pause, then she resumes her conversation with the other lady, almost as if I'd not even spoken. The other lady says "when's she due again?" and the first lady says "the 19th". So this tells me that she's about 38 weeks, which is a good thing of course, and quite different from my situations. But something about the way they were discussing this gave me the impression that they didn't think that the PE was all that serious or a very big deal. They immediately went off into giggling over an "argument" about on which day the baby would actually arrive.
I was just mildly irritated at the time, but now that I've had time to think it over, I feel more sad than mad. The words "kindred spirit" come to mind, because as weird as it may sound, that's how I almost instantly feel when I run across another PE survivor, or even hear someone talking about one. The connection of a shared experience, shared understanding of something that a big majority of the world doesn't even know exists. And yet when I reached out to this woman, shared something of myself, it was basically ignored and treated as if it was no big deal instead of as an instant connection and bond.
I just thought that everyone who'd been touched by PE would feel like I do, but apparently not. The community of people who understand is small enough already; it's sad to think that even among the PE survivors and their families, some don't seem to have been touched in quite the same way. Kind of a lonely feeling.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
A flashback moment
Let me set the scene for you......my micropreemie (700 grams), now age 4 and feisty, was in his carseat eating fast-food "hash rounds" for breakfast. Healthy, huh? ;) I was in the front seat, but turned around to look at him and talk to him......yes, the car was parked, LOL! In his other hand, he's clutching the latest in a string of stuffed animals he's become attached to......a gray cat Beanie Baby with a red ribbon on its neck.
I gave this to him last night, mainly because he's lost/misplaced most of the other "snuggly friends" as he calls them. So I pulled this one down from a shelf in his room, and told him about it: This is the very first stuffed animal you ever had! You had this with you when you were a "baby in the hospital" which is what I call the NICU time when talking to them. He instantly loved it, snuggled up and went to sleep. This morning, he asked to take it to school to use for naptime, so I agreed.
Anyway, fast forward past the car trouble and other drama of our morning......to the parking lot of the fast food place. He's holding "my kitty" and saying that he loves it, etc, and then something caught my eye.......on the kitty's tail are two small pieces of white adhesive medical tape. Well, it used to be white, anyway. You know, the kind that they use to make sure IVs or bandages stay attached.
When the Beanie Baby was given to him, it was the same size he was! We took it with us to our hotel room at night to sleep with it, as the nurses instructed. That way, it would get our scent onto it, and then it could be inside the isolette with him....for comfort, reassurance, etc even when we couldn't actually be there. Once he came home, I basically put the Beanie away so that it could stay "safe" since it was an extra-special one to us. It hasn't really been played with at all......and now, I'm shocked right back to 2004 when I see those pieces of tape on there. I reached out to pull them off, and then thought "no, those pieces represent something, and I'm gonna let them stay on".
Funny, though, how something as tiny as that can transport you through time, and bring back memories that are so fresh it's as if they just happened. Oh, and we're going to the NICU reunion this Saturday too, so that's another chance to bring it all back......but also a chance to show off my big boys and how wonderfully they're doing today. :)
I gave this to him last night, mainly because he's lost/misplaced most of the other "snuggly friends" as he calls them. So I pulled this one down from a shelf in his room, and told him about it: This is the very first stuffed animal you ever had! You had this with you when you were a "baby in the hospital" which is what I call the NICU time when talking to them. He instantly loved it, snuggled up and went to sleep. This morning, he asked to take it to school to use for naptime, so I agreed.
Anyway, fast forward past the car trouble and other drama of our morning......to the parking lot of the fast food place. He's holding "my kitty" and saying that he loves it, etc, and then something caught my eye.......on the kitty's tail are two small pieces of white adhesive medical tape. Well, it used to be white, anyway. You know, the kind that they use to make sure IVs or bandages stay attached.
When the Beanie Baby was given to him, it was the same size he was! We took it with us to our hotel room at night to sleep with it, as the nurses instructed. That way, it would get our scent onto it, and then it could be inside the isolette with him....for comfort, reassurance, etc even when we couldn't actually be there. Once he came home, I basically put the Beanie away so that it could stay "safe" since it was an extra-special one to us. It hasn't really been played with at all......and now, I'm shocked right back to 2004 when I see those pieces of tape on there. I reached out to pull them off, and then thought "no, those pieces represent something, and I'm gonna let them stay on".
Funny, though, how something as tiny as that can transport you through time, and bring back memories that are so fresh it's as if they just happened. Oh, and we're going to the NICU reunion this Saturday too, so that's another chance to bring it all back......but also a chance to show off my big boys and how wonderfully they're doing today. :)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Mixed Emotions
Preeclampsia survivors often experience post-traumatic reactions during the times of year when the initial onset of their preeclampsia/HELLP symptoms surfaced. As mothers we celebrate the births of our children, but those emotions are often bittersweet. Denise, a HELLP survivor, recounts those feelings in this poignant post on her blog, A Woman with Hobbit Feet:
http://thosecrazylangs.blogspot.com/2008/03/mixed-emotions.html
http://thosecrazylangs.blogspot.com/2008/03/mixed-emotions.html
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The Fake Cure for Preeclampsia/HELLP
Today, I was reviewing my personal blog's site meter. I often read the referring URLs to see how someone happened upon my blog. Readers often find my blog using Google, which happens to own Blogger where I blog, and this blog is hosted. Since Google now includes its blogspot sites in searches, someone happened upon my blog by entering these search words:
HELLP pre eclampsia
In the results which Google brought back with those search words, I found a fraud, fake, incredible lie, untruth, falsehood...whatever you want to call it. There in the results was a blog, which is hosted by Wordpress, which purports to have a diet which prevents preeclampsia or HELLP. I refuse to name that blog here, which doesn't deserve to exist.
I serves to prey on women who are dealing with a serious medical condition and are feeling distraught and upset at what is happening or has happened to them. Preeclampsia and HELLP have no cure.
Delivery of the baby begins the process of stopping the progression of the symptoms, but there is no cure. Magnesium sulfate helps, but there is nothing you can eat or not eat which stops it. There is no proven, medical research that has a cure.
When it happens, it will be the biggest breakthrough in obstetrics and gynecology. It will make the national news. It will be celebrated by ALL preeclampsia/HELLP survivors.
HELLP pre eclampsia
In the results which Google brought back with those search words, I found a fraud, fake, incredible lie, untruth, falsehood...whatever you want to call it. There in the results was a blog, which is hosted by Wordpress, which purports to have a diet which prevents preeclampsia or HELLP. I refuse to name that blog here, which doesn't deserve to exist.
I serves to prey on women who are dealing with a serious medical condition and are feeling distraught and upset at what is happening or has happened to them. Preeclampsia and HELLP have no cure.
Delivery of the baby begins the process of stopping the progression of the symptoms, but there is no cure. Magnesium sulfate helps, but there is nothing you can eat or not eat which stops it. There is no proven, medical research that has a cure.
When it happens, it will be the biggest breakthrough in obstetrics and gynecology. It will make the national news. It will be celebrated by ALL preeclampsia/HELLP survivors.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Them...
Preeclampsia bubbles up for me again...
http://alphagirls.blogspot.com/2008/01/them.html
Jen, mom of Grace & Meghan
http://alphagirls.blogspot.com/2008/01/them.html
Jen, mom of Grace & Meghan
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Preeclampsia and Heart Disease Risk
Frankly, this is not new information for me, but when the American Heart Association sent me an email with this newsblast inside, it was a wake up call. Preeclampsia survivors do not have good odds when it comes to risks for heart disease or stroke.
So ladies, may I issue a health challenge? How about we take the new year to create a better version of ourselves? Whether that is living a happier life to improve your mental health or making your physical health important to you, it is up to you.
Newsflash:
Women Who Experience Preeclampsia More Likely To Develop Heart Disease, Study Says
Women who experience preeclampsia -- a condition in which blood pressure increases late in pregnancy -- have a higher risk of developing high blood pressure, heart disease or stroke later in life than women who do not experience the condition, according to a study published in the Nov. 1 edition of BMJ, the Washington Post/Hartford Courant reports. For the study, British researchers analyzed data from 25 studies that involved more than 3.4 million women, 198,252 of whom had preeclampsia during pregnancy and 21,958 of whom had been diagnosed with cardiovascular disease or cancer.
Women who had preeclampsia were four times more likely than women who did not have the condition to develop high blood pressure within 14 years, the study found. The risk of having heart disease or stroke within 10 years nearly doubled for women who had preeclampsia, compared with those who did not have the condition. The study also found that a woman's risk for heart disease increased the earlier during pregnancy she developed preeclampsia. The researchers found that preeclampsia did not increase women's risk for breast cancer or other cancers. The study is available online.
I had Grace 5 1/2 years ago. I guess I only have 4 more years before heart disease or stroke may hit me. Sigh. I'd better get myself to a cardiologist for a work up and figure out how I can live a healthier lifestyle. Life isn't a guarantee, but I know that all of my preeclampsia survivor friends are some of the strongest ladies I know. We can do it ladies. We can!
With much anticipation of a healthier me and you!
Jen, mom of Grace & Meghan, survivors of preeclampsia and prematurity
So ladies, may I issue a health challenge? How about we take the new year to create a better version of ourselves? Whether that is living a happier life to improve your mental health or making your physical health important to you, it is up to you.
Newsflash:
Women Who Experience Preeclampsia More Likely To Develop Heart Disease, Study Says
Women who experience preeclampsia -- a condition in which blood pressure increases late in pregnancy -- have a higher risk of developing high blood pressure, heart disease or stroke later in life than women who do not experience the condition, according to a study published in the Nov. 1 edition of BMJ, the Washington Post/Hartford Courant reports. For the study, British researchers analyzed data from 25 studies that involved more than 3.4 million women, 198,252 of whom had preeclampsia during pregnancy and 21,958 of whom had been diagnosed with cardiovascular disease or cancer.
Women who had preeclampsia were four times more likely than women who did not have the condition to develop high blood pressure within 14 years, the study found. The risk of having heart disease or stroke within 10 years nearly doubled for women who had preeclampsia, compared with those who did not have the condition. The study also found that a woman's risk for heart disease increased the earlier during pregnancy she developed preeclampsia. The researchers found that preeclampsia did not increase women's risk for breast cancer or other cancers. The study is available online.
I had Grace 5 1/2 years ago. I guess I only have 4 more years before heart disease or stroke may hit me. Sigh. I'd better get myself to a cardiologist for a work up and figure out how I can live a healthier lifestyle. Life isn't a guarantee, but I know that all of my preeclampsia survivor friends are some of the strongest ladies I know. We can do it ladies. We can!
With much anticipation of a healthier me and you!
Jen, mom of Grace & Meghan, survivors of preeclampsia and prematurity
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Searching for connections
Preeclampsia is a horrible disease. No question about that. Anyone who's ever experienced it, especially in its severe form, wouldn't wish it on any other woman, EVER.
So why, then, does it seem like lately I'm looking for pre-e everywhere I go, almost.......dare I say it........*hoping* to find out that someone's experienced it? But as I do so, I'm also pondering, "Why?", and here's what I've come up with:
Often, I think we pre-e survivors feel alone, like there can't possibly be anyone out there who understands what we've been through, what we've lost to this disease. So, when I hear of a woman who has had...........
........a preemie
........a stillbirth
........ unnamed "pregnancy complications"
I immediately wonder, and then ask, whether it was preeclampsia that caused it. It's like I'm some kind of pathetic preeclampsia detective or something, constantly searching it out and following leads wherever I find them. Last week, a friend from church sent out a group email about her niece who'd just lost a baby at about 20 weeks. Didn't say if it was known why the baby passed on, but I wrote to her to ask if it was pre-e, and then to offer my support (and that of my website) if so. At school today, the "keep in your prayers" board had listed the wife of a teacher, who's baby was born more than a week ago, and it says "complications after pregnancy". So of course, I had to snoop around and ask other teachers who might know the story. Was she seizing? Swelling? BP trouble? Turns out, she had a staph infection after a csection.......and I felt (horrible, I know) vaguely disappointed in some weird way.
I guess that I'm searching for connections with other women who know how preeclampsia feels, as opposed to most people who don't even know what the word means. I've met women around the world via the Web, and we all have suffered the loss of the idyllic pregnancy we've grown up expecting. When we meet other survivors, we don't feel so alone anymore. And since a true cure or preventative for pre-e hasn't been found YET, new members are added to our survivor ranks every single day. I'll just keep on looking for them, looking to connect with my sisters, so that they don't ever have to feel alone either.
So why, then, does it seem like lately I'm looking for pre-e everywhere I go, almost.......dare I say it........*hoping* to find out that someone's experienced it? But as I do so, I'm also pondering, "Why?", and here's what I've come up with:
Often, I think we pre-e survivors feel alone, like there can't possibly be anyone out there who understands what we've been through, what we've lost to this disease. So, when I hear of a woman who has had...........
........a preemie
........a stillbirth
........ unnamed "pregnancy complications"
I immediately wonder, and then ask, whether it was preeclampsia that caused it. It's like I'm some kind of pathetic preeclampsia detective or something, constantly searching it out and following leads wherever I find them. Last week, a friend from church sent out a group email about her niece who'd just lost a baby at about 20 weeks. Didn't say if it was known why the baby passed on, but I wrote to her to ask if it was pre-e, and then to offer my support (and that of my website) if so. At school today, the "keep in your prayers" board had listed the wife of a teacher, who's baby was born more than a week ago, and it says "complications after pregnancy". So of course, I had to snoop around and ask other teachers who might know the story. Was she seizing? Swelling? BP trouble? Turns out, she had a staph infection after a csection.......and I felt (horrible, I know) vaguely disappointed in some weird way.
I guess that I'm searching for connections with other women who know how preeclampsia feels, as opposed to most people who don't even know what the word means. I've met women around the world via the Web, and we all have suffered the loss of the idyllic pregnancy we've grown up expecting. When we meet other survivors, we don't feel so alone anymore. And since a true cure or preventative for pre-e hasn't been found YET, new members are added to our survivor ranks every single day. I'll just keep on looking for them, looking to connect with my sisters, so that they don't ever have to feel alone either.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Validation
Validation of our experiences as preeclampsia survivors is so important. I recently received validation of my experience from a reader of my blog:
http://alphagirls.blogspot.com/2007/10/thank-you-mama.html
Jen, mom of Grace & Meghan
2 X Severe Preeclampsia Survivor and NICU Mom
http://alphagirls.blogspot.com/2007/10/thank-you-mama.html
Jen, mom of Grace & Meghan
2 X Severe Preeclampsia Survivor and NICU Mom
Monday, October 01, 2007
Flashbacks
Preeclampisa survivors are a strong bunch of women, who share similar experiences. Each one of us has our own story or stories. Today, being a preeclampsia survivor snuck up on me, and well, bit me square on the butt. Ouch!
http://alphagirls.blogspot.com/2007/10/flashbacks.html
Jen, preeclampsia survivor and NICU mom X 2
http://alphagirls.blogspot.com/2007/10/flashbacks.html
Jen, preeclampsia survivor and NICU mom X 2
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Perspective
I thought I'd share some perspective I gained today. Enjoy my cosmic reminder.
http://alphagirls.blogspot.com/2007/09/perspective.html
Jen, a two time severe PE survivor and NICU mom
http://alphagirls.blogspot.com/2007/09/perspective.html
Jen, a two time severe PE survivor and NICU mom
Friday, August 17, 2007
Mixed feelings
Here I sit today, pondering, thinking over a subject I've been discussing with a dear friend. As usual, the topic is preeclampsia, but more specifically the recurrence of it in women like me.........who have it twice, three times, or even more.
Seems like every day there are press releases about new research studies, findings that give new hope for the eventual prevention of (and cure for) preeclampsia. I read a lot of these articles, and it's exciting to know that researchers are making headway in discovering why women get pre-e and what might be done to stop it someday.
Even now, more and more women are finding that their subsequent pregnancies can be healthy and pre-e free, through drug therapies or other evolving treatments. This is wonderful news, and something for which we should all be rejoicing!
However, there are still women like me around........women who had preeclampsia more than once, with no identifiable cause and therefore NO preventative options. Thankfully, my two sons survived, and I know how lucky I am to be able to say that. My husband and I have decided against risking the odds again and trying for more children, so I'll never know if a pre-e free pregnancy is even possible.
Today, I have many friends all over the world who are preeclampsia survivors. Several of them have recently given birth to new babies, at the end of a long, healthy pregnancy. Others are currently pregnant, and understandably worried about a pre-e recurrence but have kept it at bay so far. And naturally, I wish them all the best, and celebrate with them when full term healthy babies arrive.
But I'm left with mixed feelings..........the tremendous excitement for my friends who overcame pre-e, and the lingering hurt, disappointment and loss I feel for myself and for women like me everywhere. In my efforts to promote preeclampsia awareness, I often hear from women who've suffered from pre-e once and are scared to try again. It's wonderful to be able to say "Many women go on to healthy pregnancies" and to try to provide hope and encouragement to them on this scary journey.
But I also sometimes want to say, "Don't forget about me! I tried my hardest, I did everything I knew how, and my body still failed in its pregnancy responsibilities. But it's not my fault!" I usually just stay quiet, though, and cherish what I do have. Maybe someday no woman will ever have to feel this way at all....and that keeps me going. That, and my two precious boys who are my preeclampsia miracles.
Seems like every day there are press releases about new research studies, findings that give new hope for the eventual prevention of (and cure for) preeclampsia. I read a lot of these articles, and it's exciting to know that researchers are making headway in discovering why women get pre-e and what might be done to stop it someday.
Even now, more and more women are finding that their subsequent pregnancies can be healthy and pre-e free, through drug therapies or other evolving treatments. This is wonderful news, and something for which we should all be rejoicing!
However, there are still women like me around........women who had preeclampsia more than once, with no identifiable cause and therefore NO preventative options. Thankfully, my two sons survived, and I know how lucky I am to be able to say that. My husband and I have decided against risking the odds again and trying for more children, so I'll never know if a pre-e free pregnancy is even possible.
Today, I have many friends all over the world who are preeclampsia survivors. Several of them have recently given birth to new babies, at the end of a long, healthy pregnancy. Others are currently pregnant, and understandably worried about a pre-e recurrence but have kept it at bay so far. And naturally, I wish them all the best, and celebrate with them when full term healthy babies arrive.
But I'm left with mixed feelings..........the tremendous excitement for my friends who overcame pre-e, and the lingering hurt, disappointment and loss I feel for myself and for women like me everywhere. In my efforts to promote preeclampsia awareness, I often hear from women who've suffered from pre-e once and are scared to try again. It's wonderful to be able to say "Many women go on to healthy pregnancies" and to try to provide hope and encouragement to them on this scary journey.
But I also sometimes want to say, "Don't forget about me! I tried my hardest, I did everything I knew how, and my body still failed in its pregnancy responsibilities. But it's not my fault!" I usually just stay quiet, though, and cherish what I do have. Maybe someday no woman will ever have to feel this way at all....and that keeps me going. That, and my two precious boys who are my preeclampsia miracles.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Overview of Pre-Eclampsia, Part 2
I finally found part 2 of the Preeclampsia Overview presented by Action on Pre-Eclampsia in the UK. Previously, I had posted part 1 here:
http://preeclampsiasurvivors.blogspot.com/2007/05/preeclampsia-video-from-action-on-pre.html
Click twice on the movie to view it.
http://preeclampsiasurvivors.blogspot.com/2007/05/preeclampsia-video-from-action-on-pre.html
Click twice on the movie to view it.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Announcing the Preeclampsia Survivors Web Site
Hi! I’m Jennifer, one of the Preeclampsia Survivors founders and a two-time preeclampsia survivor. I hope you have had a wonderful summer so far, as my family certainly has.
I have very exciting news to share, and I hope you will be excited about it too:
On Monday, August 6, 2007, we will officially launch our brand NEW website, which you can find at www.preeclampsiasurvivors.com. The web site has survivor stories, frequently asked questions about preeclampsia, a link to our blog, and lots of other great information for anyone who would like to learn more about preeclampsia or meet others who have survived it.
We also are launching a brand new forum, and are finishing the process of moving ourselves over to it. The new forum will require you to register again, but it’s easy and we’d love to see you over there. You can read and search the homepage anytime, and then just register to join us in discussions and support in the forum. The new forum’s layout is quite similar to the Proboards site we had before, so you’ll feel right at home and “see” all of your old friends there. Very shortly, the Proboards site will be locked so that it is “read only”. You can look there for an archive of info and old posts, and then come and chat with us at our new home.
We look forward to seeing you on the new site and discussion forum. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us at admin{AT}preeclampsiasurvivors{DOT}com. I hope that you and your family enjoy what’s left of your summer.
Jennifer (Jen_miracles)
I have very exciting news to share, and I hope you will be excited about it too:
On Monday, August 6, 2007, we will officially launch our brand NEW website, which you can find at www.preeclampsiasurvivors.com. The web site has survivor stories, frequently asked questions about preeclampsia, a link to our blog, and lots of other great information for anyone who would like to learn more about preeclampsia or meet others who have survived it.
We also are launching a brand new forum, and are finishing the process of moving ourselves over to it. The new forum will require you to register again, but it’s easy and we’d love to see you over there. You can read and search the homepage anytime, and then just register to join us in discussions and support in the forum. The new forum’s layout is quite similar to the Proboards site we had before, so you’ll feel right at home and “see” all of your old friends there. Very shortly, the Proboards site will be locked so that it is “read only”. You can look there for an archive of info and old posts, and then come and chat with us at our new home.
We look forward to seeing you on the new site and discussion forum. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us at admin{AT}preeclampsiasurvivors{DOT}com. I hope that you and your family enjoy what’s left of your summer.
Jennifer (Jen_miracles)
Friday, July 27, 2007
Still Fresh
Failure is the subject of Amy's post for today. Enjoy her eloquent words. It is obvious Amy is an amazing mother and preeclampsia survivor.
http://miraclebabygracie.blogspot.com/2007/07/failure.html
http://miraclebabygracie.blogspot.com/2007/07/failure.html
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Sophie's Homecoming
This week's post is from 4onfaith, who blogs at http://belphia.blogspot.com.
It hit me this weekend that the 5th is Sophia's homecoming anniversary, 2 years! I look at her and can't believe that she is the same child that I brought home. She was so teeny, and although I have an older daughter, I felt like I was starting over with Sophie. Not only are she and Bella slightly more than 7 years apart, but there were a host of new lessons to be learned with Soph. As much as she has grown and changed in these two years, it seems like so much time has passed and yet I can remember the months surrounding her birth and homecoming with such clarity it can be overwhelming.
Shortly after I had Soph, we found out that we would be moving to another city, so just days before she was expected to come home we had to drive a couple hours and overnight to house hunt and look for schools. Not to mention, we were celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary. I know that my husband and oldest daughter were excited about going away for a day or two. Bella especially, literally from the moment she stepped off the school bus on her last day of school in May a portion of every day had been spent in hospitals, between visiting me and her sister. As much as I was looking forward to planning our new life in another city I wasn't entirely ready to leave what I was experiencing at that moment. I had never spent a night in another city away from my new baby. I know how fortunate I was to be only about 4 miles from her NICU, but every night I said good night to her and kissed her. Every night, I had sung the same "good night" song to her in person. This would be the first night that I wasn't with her. I know that normally every Mom spends the occassional night away from their baby, but it felt like there was so much at stake to me.
From conception, Soph was obviously always "with me." She with me, and I with her. Pregnancy allows you to experience a closeness to your child that only mother can know. I knew when she had the hiccups, when she was playful or restful. It felt so good to "see" her grow, and know that our second daughter would be in my arms soon. We had waited for her for a long time. I took every precaution I could to ensure that my pregnancy went well. I continued to take stairs and walks to ensure I would stay fit. I ate well and got plenty of rest. I read as much as I could and kept open dialogue with my OBs. I tried. I really tried, but I had failed. I failed to carry her to term. I failed to stay healthy. I failed at having a body that was "friendly" for babies. This teeny baby that I was going to be miles and hours away from had come into the world in such raw circumstances. And now, I wasn't even going to be "down the road" from her.
In the eyes of a "normal" parent, I know that is nothing. I mean I can honestly "hear" the eyes rolling when I say that. To go through an experience like this, is something that brings you so close to life, so close to reality, so much awareness of the world around you. There are times when you can feel yourself outside of your body as if you are in the middle of some near death experience. And that feeling doesn't subside very easily. It's a real life movie. And the camera's are rolling and following your every moment. It's a clear reminder that you are not in control. Not to take one minute, one hour, one day for granted. Things may seem very normal one day and the next they can change without notice. In such a short time I had already experienced that. Twice Sophie encountered circumstances that nearly took her from me. I wasn't comfortable with the thought of not being able to run to her side. Again I knew that I wasn't in control, but to be able to hold her, touch her, sing to her, kiss her. To let her know that I was there and that I was sorry. So sorry that I had failed her. That was what my life was about at the time.
I know that there is nothing I could have done differently. I know that I'm just built in a way that predisposes me to preeclampsia. But I am the vessel in which she came into this world. As a mother you experience guilt daily, in large and little ways. To begin a relationship with my youngest child with the feeling that I already failed her and that I wanted to make it up to her was and is a driving force. That nagging "what if" was not something I was ready to contend with. I knew, though, that I had no choice. I knew I needed to hope, to have faith, to believe....I needed to go. I must have called the nurses station at least 12 times in the 36 hours we were gone. And I still sang our song to her that night....just not in person. And when we returned the following day I immediately went to see her and she was fine. She was still there. All ten fingers, ten toes, and that perfectly shaped head.
I couldn't wait to get her home. And a few days later I walked into that NICU with her carseat knowing that I wouldn't leave without her. The nurses all gathered around to say good-bye, to wish us well. I put my tiny child in her seat, bundled her up.....and turned around. After 37 days, 7 hours and 40 minutes, and with my husband's arms around me the three of us walked out of that NICU and into our life. When the large steel doors clicked behind us, the grasp on my heart loosened a bit. I looked down at this beautiful gift and walked down that hall without a second thought. I had my baby. I had failed her on delivery, but there was something at that moment that made me know everything was going to be alright.
It's not easy being the mother of children who came early. The concerns that arise, the "weight" and see game, the germs, the extra shots, the colds, the battles about eating. They are all there....all the time, to no avail. But then so am I, and I am NOT failing.
Today, I can say that I am thankful. Preeclampsia and prematurity have given me an awareness that I otherwise wouldn't have. A great appreciation for my purpose, for my children, for my husband. An opportunity to learn and to grow. To encourage change. So while I look forward to the day that preeclampsia will only exist in history books, today I live with the thought that maybe, just maybe I know it personally for a reason. Maybe because I am strong enough and good enough....and maybe, maybe I can do something about it!!!
~~~~~"Good night sweet Sophie, it's time to sleep. Good night sweet Sophie, time to dream. I'll see you soon, when the morning comes, good night Sweet Soph - Good night."~~~~~~~
It hit me this weekend that the 5th is Sophia's homecoming anniversary, 2 years! I look at her and can't believe that she is the same child that I brought home. She was so teeny, and although I have an older daughter, I felt like I was starting over with Sophie. Not only are she and Bella slightly more than 7 years apart, but there were a host of new lessons to be learned with Soph. As much as she has grown and changed in these two years, it seems like so much time has passed and yet I can remember the months surrounding her birth and homecoming with such clarity it can be overwhelming.
Shortly after I had Soph, we found out that we would be moving to another city, so just days before she was expected to come home we had to drive a couple hours and overnight to house hunt and look for schools. Not to mention, we were celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary. I know that my husband and oldest daughter were excited about going away for a day or two. Bella especially, literally from the moment she stepped off the school bus on her last day of school in May a portion of every day had been spent in hospitals, between visiting me and her sister. As much as I was looking forward to planning our new life in another city I wasn't entirely ready to leave what I was experiencing at that moment. I had never spent a night in another city away from my new baby. I know how fortunate I was to be only about 4 miles from her NICU, but every night I said good night to her and kissed her. Every night, I had sung the same "good night" song to her in person. This would be the first night that I wasn't with her. I know that normally every Mom spends the occassional night away from their baby, but it felt like there was so much at stake to me.
From conception, Soph was obviously always "with me." She with me, and I with her. Pregnancy allows you to experience a closeness to your child that only mother can know. I knew when she had the hiccups, when she was playful or restful. It felt so good to "see" her grow, and know that our second daughter would be in my arms soon. We had waited for her for a long time. I took every precaution I could to ensure that my pregnancy went well. I continued to take stairs and walks to ensure I would stay fit. I ate well and got plenty of rest. I read as much as I could and kept open dialogue with my OBs. I tried. I really tried, but I had failed. I failed to carry her to term. I failed to stay healthy. I failed at having a body that was "friendly" for babies. This teeny baby that I was going to be miles and hours away from had come into the world in such raw circumstances. And now, I wasn't even going to be "down the road" from her.
In the eyes of a "normal" parent, I know that is nothing. I mean I can honestly "hear" the eyes rolling when I say that. To go through an experience like this, is something that brings you so close to life, so close to reality, so much awareness of the world around you. There are times when you can feel yourself outside of your body as if you are in the middle of some near death experience. And that feeling doesn't subside very easily. It's a real life movie. And the camera's are rolling and following your every moment. It's a clear reminder that you are not in control. Not to take one minute, one hour, one day for granted. Things may seem very normal one day and the next they can change without notice. In such a short time I had already experienced that. Twice Sophie encountered circumstances that nearly took her from me. I wasn't comfortable with the thought of not being able to run to her side. Again I knew that I wasn't in control, but to be able to hold her, touch her, sing to her, kiss her. To let her know that I was there and that I was sorry. So sorry that I had failed her. That was what my life was about at the time.
I know that there is nothing I could have done differently. I know that I'm just built in a way that predisposes me to preeclampsia. But I am the vessel in which she came into this world. As a mother you experience guilt daily, in large and little ways. To begin a relationship with my youngest child with the feeling that I already failed her and that I wanted to make it up to her was and is a driving force. That nagging "what if" was not something I was ready to contend with. I knew, though, that I had no choice. I knew I needed to hope, to have faith, to believe....I needed to go. I must have called the nurses station at least 12 times in the 36 hours we were gone. And I still sang our song to her that night....just not in person. And when we returned the following day I immediately went to see her and she was fine. She was still there. All ten fingers, ten toes, and that perfectly shaped head.
I couldn't wait to get her home. And a few days later I walked into that NICU with her carseat knowing that I wouldn't leave without her. The nurses all gathered around to say good-bye, to wish us well. I put my tiny child in her seat, bundled her up.....and turned around. After 37 days, 7 hours and 40 minutes, and with my husband's arms around me the three of us walked out of that NICU and into our life. When the large steel doors clicked behind us, the grasp on my heart loosened a bit. I looked down at this beautiful gift and walked down that hall without a second thought. I had my baby. I had failed her on delivery, but there was something at that moment that made me know everything was going to be alright.
It's not easy being the mother of children who came early. The concerns that arise, the "weight" and see game, the germs, the extra shots, the colds, the battles about eating. They are all there....all the time, to no avail. But then so am I, and I am NOT failing.
Today, I can say that I am thankful. Preeclampsia and prematurity have given me an awareness that I otherwise wouldn't have. A great appreciation for my purpose, for my children, for my husband. An opportunity to learn and to grow. To encourage change. So while I look forward to the day that preeclampsia will only exist in history books, today I live with the thought that maybe, just maybe I know it personally for a reason. Maybe because I am strong enough and good enough....and maybe, maybe I can do something about it!!!
~~~~~"Good night sweet Sophie, it's time to sleep. Good night sweet Sophie, time to dream. I'll see you soon, when the morning comes, good night Sweet Soph - Good night."~~~~~~~
Sunday, July 01, 2007
D'Arcy's Story
Today' post is from D'Arcy, a fellow preeclampsia survivor. Her story may sound familiar to you, if you are a survivor too. Most of us can recount how we didn't quite understand the implications and consequences of preeclampsia until the birth experience was over. The good news is that even when life throws us a "preeclampsia curve ball," that we still learn and grow from the experience. Even with the bad comes some good.
My story doesn't start when I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, which didn't officially occur until 30w1d. My pregnancy had a pivotal moment, and that moment occurred at 7am 24w5d. That morning I awoke to the phone ringing. I jumped out of bed and ran to the phone. Before I knew what had happened, everything became a blur, and I woke up with a terrible pain in my head and the phone buzzing because it was off the hook. I had been passed out for a little over two minutes, and my head hurt because I hit it on a bench in my bedroom as I fell. I had leg and foot pain and been exhausted since I was about 16w, after all I couldn't go Christmas shopping because my legs hurt so much. Many people told me that having my legs hurt, passing out, and swelling were normal in pregnancy. Even my OB wasn't concerned early in my pregnancy or even after passing out, after all the baby checked out fine and my blood pressure was normal. Although during that appointment, he sat there and looked at me and said we have to get to 28 weeks, it is our magic number.
As the weeks progressed from the day I had the fall, I began to swell, not just a little ankle swelling, but edema that made it impossible to wear shoes. I went from a 7 1/2 to 10 flip flops. Again people telling me this is normal, just buck up. Around 28w, I was in for a visit with my OB, and he said that my blood pressure was high. I had gained too much weight in between visits and needed to restrict my diet to low sodium and prepare my employer that there was a good chance that I wasn't going to be able to work until I was full term. He ran labs and personally called to tell me that everything still looked good, but he felt things were going to change. During the next week, one of the guys in my office walked in and looked at me and said, "you are huge, what has happened to you?" A week and a half went by, I had another visit, it was a Thursday(29w6d). He looked at me and said, "you are done." I was like "WHAT?" He said "You are now on bed rest until you deliver your baby."
Well the Superwoman that I am or thought I was went to work the next day, it was a Friday and I needed to be able to turn over all of my work. After all I manage a Real Estate team, and I had about 4 dozen homes in the pipeline; I was the only person that knew what was going on. What I meant to be a half day turned into a full day, and I was totally exhausted, panting, and limping from the pain in my legs.
Saturday (30w1d), I woke up and took my blood pressure. It wasn't good: 156/112. So I laid down to rest and it seemed to get better, that was until I would sit up and it went higher. Then while sitting in bed I saw shooting stars, I knew that I needed to go to the hospital at that point. Being stubborn and not truly understanding the seriousness of the situation, I told my husband that I wanted to get dinner because I knew I wasn't getting out of the hospital, but thought it wasn't a big rush to get there because they were just going to admit until I delivered in June. HELLO IT WAS APRIL!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Upon my arrival to the OB Triage, I quickly learned that I was not going to go home and that not only my life was in jeopardy, but also the life of my daughter. Her ultrasound showed that she was much smaller than she should be, the amniotic fluid was low, and she was at risk, due to me having preeclampsia and the early stages of HELLP. The next 48 hours were filled with Mag delusions, steroid injections, oxygen, hydrotherapy, and consults with my Peri and the Neonatologist. I remember the neonatologist saying to me that he hoped he would never see me again, and the peri told me that our goal was 35 weeks and to make myself at home because I wasn't leaving. Well, Monday(30w3d) arrived, and my OB came in to talk to me about the latest ultrasound. The fluid had dropped even more, the baby was small and weak, and I had gained 12 pounds overnight. All of the doctors agreed that I needed to have a c-section as soon as I reached the steroid window, which would be the following morning. The baby could not tolerate a vaginal birth and if we waited more than 24 hours the outcome would not be good. My window started at 2:30am, and my daughter was born April 19th, 2005 at 5:30am, weighing 1000g(2pounds 3.5oz) 14 1/2 inches long.
The following week was a blur because I was so sick. I was released 5 days after the birth of my beautiful little girl. She remained in the NICU for 47 days. My little girl was a fighter from the start. She had Apgars of 9 and 9 and was on room air on day 3. Sh had terrible feeding and digestion problems and a level III IVH. She was discharged on June 4th, 2004 weighing 4 pounds 3 ounces. The days in the NICU are something that I would not wish upon any family. They are the ties that bind all of us.
My story doesn't start when I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, which didn't officially occur until 30w1d. My pregnancy had a pivotal moment, and that moment occurred at 7am 24w5d. That morning I awoke to the phone ringing. I jumped out of bed and ran to the phone. Before I knew what had happened, everything became a blur, and I woke up with a terrible pain in my head and the phone buzzing because it was off the hook. I had been passed out for a little over two minutes, and my head hurt because I hit it on a bench in my bedroom as I fell. I had leg and foot pain and been exhausted since I was about 16w, after all I couldn't go Christmas shopping because my legs hurt so much. Many people told me that having my legs hurt, passing out, and swelling were normal in pregnancy. Even my OB wasn't concerned early in my pregnancy or even after passing out, after all the baby checked out fine and my blood pressure was normal. Although during that appointment, he sat there and looked at me and said we have to get to 28 weeks, it is our magic number.
As the weeks progressed from the day I had the fall, I began to swell, not just a little ankle swelling, but edema that made it impossible to wear shoes. I went from a 7 1/2 to 10 flip flops. Again people telling me this is normal, just buck up. Around 28w, I was in for a visit with my OB, and he said that my blood pressure was high. I had gained too much weight in between visits and needed to restrict my diet to low sodium and prepare my employer that there was a good chance that I wasn't going to be able to work until I was full term. He ran labs and personally called to tell me that everything still looked good, but he felt things were going to change. During the next week, one of the guys in my office walked in and looked at me and said, "you are huge, what has happened to you?" A week and a half went by, I had another visit, it was a Thursday(29w6d). He looked at me and said, "you are done." I was like "WHAT?" He said "You are now on bed rest until you deliver your baby."
Well the Superwoman that I am or thought I was went to work the next day, it was a Friday and I needed to be able to turn over all of my work. After all I manage a Real Estate team, and I had about 4 dozen homes in the pipeline; I was the only person that knew what was going on. What I meant to be a half day turned into a full day, and I was totally exhausted, panting, and limping from the pain in my legs.
Saturday (30w1d), I woke up and took my blood pressure. It wasn't good: 156/112. So I laid down to rest and it seemed to get better, that was until I would sit up and it went higher. Then while sitting in bed I saw shooting stars, I knew that I needed to go to the hospital at that point. Being stubborn and not truly understanding the seriousness of the situation, I told my husband that I wanted to get dinner because I knew I wasn't getting out of the hospital, but thought it wasn't a big rush to get there because they were just going to admit until I delivered in June. HELLO IT WAS APRIL!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Upon my arrival to the OB Triage, I quickly learned that I was not going to go home and that not only my life was in jeopardy, but also the life of my daughter. Her ultrasound showed that she was much smaller than she should be, the amniotic fluid was low, and she was at risk, due to me having preeclampsia and the early stages of HELLP. The next 48 hours were filled with Mag delusions, steroid injections, oxygen, hydrotherapy, and consults with my Peri and the Neonatologist. I remember the neonatologist saying to me that he hoped he would never see me again, and the peri told me that our goal was 35 weeks and to make myself at home because I wasn't leaving. Well, Monday(30w3d) arrived, and my OB came in to talk to me about the latest ultrasound. The fluid had dropped even more, the baby was small and weak, and I had gained 12 pounds overnight. All of the doctors agreed that I needed to have a c-section as soon as I reached the steroid window, which would be the following morning. The baby could not tolerate a vaginal birth and if we waited more than 24 hours the outcome would not be good. My window started at 2:30am, and my daughter was born April 19th, 2005 at 5:30am, weighing 1000g(2pounds 3.5oz) 14 1/2 inches long.
The following week was a blur because I was so sick. I was released 5 days after the birth of my beautiful little girl. She remained in the NICU for 47 days. My little girl was a fighter from the start. She had Apgars of 9 and 9 and was on room air on day 3. Sh had terrible feeding and digestion problems and a level III IVH. She was discharged on June 4th, 2004 weighing 4 pounds 3 ounces. The days in the NICU are something that I would not wish upon any family. They are the ties that bind all of us.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Preeclampsia Video from Action on Pre-Eclampsia
This is Rebecca Black, an obstetrician at John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, England. Mike Rich of Action on Pre-Eclampsia posted this video on YouTube. It is a 7 minute video, but is only part 1 of 6. The other parts are not posted on YouTube yet, from what I can tell. Enjoy the educational overview of preeclampsia.
Click on the movie twice to view it.
Click on the movie twice to view it.
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